Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
