plz talk dirty to me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
