making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
