hell yes lets make some ravioli
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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