im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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