I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
