Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
this just has baby written all over it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
