1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He better not be in your backpack
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
