I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
