somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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