He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
