she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
