What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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