I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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