literally had 100 drinks last night.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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