What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize