The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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