I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
