ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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