so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
