Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Still dying that you shit outside
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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