508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My penis needs a shock collar
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
