forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's paper in my vomit.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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