his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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