Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
