i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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