She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
