Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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