i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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