two words: eviction party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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