Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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