Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
