hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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