dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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