90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
