That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
