it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
