Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
