You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
