dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
