I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
