i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
