Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
