Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
