I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
