mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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