No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
