Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
