Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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