hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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