The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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