either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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