so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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