So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
