It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
