As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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