Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
