i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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