Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
