I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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