Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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