i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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