I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
