guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
