he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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