In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
