well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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