I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
