Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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