if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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